Three true stories about crazy homeless people in SF
#1: I was walking back from lunch last week and stepped over a man lying down in the middle of the sidewalk with his shirt up over his head, rubbing his enormous, food-covered belly and singing, "Mary had a Little Lamb" (yes, the children's song). We made eye contact, which was sort of like accidentally making eye contact with someone naked at the gym (or so I've heard). A couple of tourists walked by and freaked out on the guy -- his response was to sort of scream / sing at a higher decibel and continue rubbing his belly, like he was exhibiting a special version for the tourists. I think they were DUTCH.
#2: I was going out to grab cigs during work and walked by this nasty toothless guy (who was also drunk like me, incidentally at 9:30AM on a Tuesday) who first spare changed and then started sleazily chatting up this attractive business woman nearby. He smelled like the Scottish side of my family and she seemed super into it.
#3: About a month ago, I saw a guy spraying down one of the most foul bus stops in San Francisco (Bay and Stockton – you know the one) and had the look (and the jacket) that screamed forced community service, as it was the bright color of orange only worn by tweakers and…well, community service workers. He was whistling (quite happily) "If I Only Had a Brain".
The tie-in for the three stories is that they all looked like different varieties of fat Val Kilmer (minus the veneers). Not kidding.
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